AGAIN

My twin sister is pregnant again. First Try after her miscarriage in August. I don't want her having a repeat of the event, but it still hurts. She gets to try again and it worked.  I don't know if I even believe the word "blessed" anymore. I almost despise it. I think a better word is luck. I'm really struggling with my Faith right now.  I don't believe in "meant to be." 

I'm struggling with a lot right now and its all internal. I don't have the words to say because I cant pinpoint how i feel.

Christmas

OK.. So Thanksgiving is here and gone, and bring on Christmas. I've vowed to make this year less gifty and more family. Last year it was all about gifts and I felt so greedy and I didn't enjoy that at all. Its not about the gifts. Its odd this year when someone asks me what I want for Christmas I feel really guilty. Now, don't get me wrong, I REALLY need a new toaster and I'd be more than thrilled with some new clothes, but I think its very important to get in to what this holiday is all about. I'm thankful I'm spending this holiday with my family this year. Now, my family isn't perfect and we do our fair share amount of donating to the economy during Christmas, but we do make Christ a pretty large part of Christmas. I really enjoy that.   I'm counting down to when school is out!!!