30

I turned 30 on Friday the 28th of August. I was soooo concerned I was going to be depressed on my bday. I'm so happy to say
that was not the case at all. However, the same can't be said for the night before. I was
still awake at midnight with Tony and he said Happy 30th. It hit me on what I had planned.
I wanted two kids by now and my tubes tied. Odviously, that's not the case.
I told Tony that and he just let me cry. I think that's what I needed. I went to sleep
Concerned the next day would be brutal. It wasn't at all. I hardly thought about it all day.
My job is a great distractor at times. I have many hopes for my 30s and am hoping that its
in God's plan that I am a mom sometime in this decade!!! Clearly, my plan and His aren't in sync.

School year

The school year is fixing to begin and for the most part I am ready. I have 20 students this year. Last year, I believe I had about 16 or 17. I should remember those things, but I forget the kiddos names the day they leave my class. My favorite part about teaching is seeing them grow up. I saw one of my old students who will now be in 8th Grade!!! I almost didn't recognize her. She was so sweet in class and I hope she stays that way. Junior High can turn them rotten if your not careful.

Yesterday, I drove home and thought I was ahead of a strom. WRONG. I was right in the middle of it. I drive on a very tall bridge to get home and I couldn't see in front of me. I know now that if its raining hard I don't care if I am at home or at school I'm just going to stay put. The radar made it look like worse storms were coming our way, and that is why I drove home when I did. DANG IT!!! My poor little car just trucked its way up the bridge. I think it was saying "I think I can I think I can." I desperatly need a new car.

On hubby job front we have a few prospects, but who knows what will work out in the end. We need it. This economy is rough. WOW. Its something you don't realize til you are out of a job.

Wish me luck on my First Week Back.. OH and my 30th B-day coming up on the 28th. I'll see how I feel that day about it, as for now I'm not too thrilled.

6

There is a family in the Houston area that just had 6 babies!! They
Were born 17 weeks early, and sadly two did not make it. The other 4 are
Fighting. The mother has almost exactly what I have and these babies were conceived through
IUI with injectibles which is what we would be doing had it not been for our
Lovely Male Factor. They seem like a really sweet couple and as u know I tend to root
For those who struggle the most. They went this route cause insurance wouldn't
Cover IVF(yet agaain another reason it should be covered). This couple had
Already lost twins. I always wonder how much loss a person can endure.
These people were not gready. Their goal was identical to mine and anyone elses.
One Healthy baby. So pray for this family and the struggles they will endure.
Here's a link to their site...stanseljourney.com

Summer

I moved classrooms (well halfway done) today. It's gonna be a different set up. I'm probably going to getting rid of some furniture.All I can say is "THANK GOD ITS ON WHEELS!!" We are still looking for a job for hubby. He was told he had one job, went to their training, filled out all the Human Resource junk and hasn't heard ANYTHING back. FRUSTRATING. We NEED money. We can't do without his paycheck. He quit is other job thinking he had this job, so this sucks. I'm not too excited about the school year. I love my job etc and I did get in to my classroom and all, but I'm not thinking "YEAH!!!" I just want it to be Summer(without the awful heat) all year long. Thats about it for now.

Oh, is it bad when somone posts on their MySpace status "Fertile Myrtle" and you say "must be nice." I'm certain the response I get will be not good and its not like people can't be happy they are pregnant because Fertlile Myrtles TOTALLY don't get those who aren't.

Priorities

Does our country have its prorities mixed up or what???

Why do we celebrate the fact that an abortion pill (that costs a mere $400) works?? Why do we celebrate the death of a child molestor for his "art"? I'm really honestly worried about our countries moral compass. When more pro abortions get a thumbs up and those that are anti-abortion get a thumbs down I think we have a problem. Life starts at conception.. END OF STORY. It states in the bible God knew us before we were in our mother's womb. Kinda neat if you ask me. God knows my future kids and I don't. I've always thought of it like that.

My view may not be popular as I have learned, but I feel abortion is a weak choice. How LUCKY you are you can chose. I don't get that choice(not that I would chose it). Some feel adoption is a weak choice. I don't know why because who knows where I would be if my parents had not given me up for adoption.

What I dont understand is where abortion even began. What is the history behind it? I do know women would die from it and you don't want that happening, but did we lose God somewhere along the way. Women panic, I understand that, but come on. THINK. Its a CHILD. A REAL HUMAN.

Read the article below...

Roughly a fourth of American women getting early abortions last year did so with drugs rather than surgery, statistics show, as a new study reported improved safety in using the so-called "abortion pill."

Some experts predict the percentage of such "medical abortions," which offer more privacy than surgical termination at an abortion clinicor hospital, will rise even more due to the new study.

The research, done at Planned Parenthood clinics across the country, shows that a new way of giving pills to induce abortion virtually eliminated the risk for a rare but dangerous infection.

"This is the first really huge documentation of how safe and effectivemedical abortion is," said Dr. Beverly Winikoff, a professor of family health and population at Columbia University. "The technology is very good and very well used in this country, and probably will be used more and more."

Two pills are used to induce an abortion. The primary drug, Mifeprex, was first approved in the U.S. in 2000. Use has risen steadily, even though manufacturer Danco Laboratories LLC of New York hasn't promoted it and the drug can only be obtained at a clinic or doctor's office, not through a pharmacy. Sales rose 16.5 percent last year, when about 184,000 American women used Mifeprex.

Medical abortions now account for about a quarter of early abortions, according to company spokeswoman Abby Long. At Planned Parenthood, the biggest provider of medical abortions, they amount to 32 percent of early terminations.

The group's study analyzed medical abortions at Planned Parenthood centers between 2005 and mid-2008 — about 228,000 cases. It found the abortion pill was about 98.5 percent effective and that changes in how the drugs were given reduced risk of a serious infection from barely 1 in 1,000 cases to 0.06 in 1,000.

The results are reported in Thursday's New England Journal of Medicine.

The procedure, which works during the first nine weeks of pregnancy, involves swallowing Mifeprex, known chemically as mifepristone, at a doctor's office. Originally known as RU-486, the pill causes an embryo to detach from the uterine wall. A second pill, misoprostol, is used 24 to 48 hours later to cause contractions and push the embryo out of the uterus.

These drugs are different from Plan B, which is taken within a couple days of contraceptive failure or unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy from occurring.

Originally, the procedure involved inserting the misoprostol pill into the vagina where the medicine was absorbed. But by the end of 2005, four American women and one Canadian had died of a rare bacterial infection afterward, spurring concern among providers and criticism by abortion opponents.

So in April 2006, Planned Parenthood told its 300 clinics offering the procedure to instead have patients put the misoprostol pill in their mouth and let it dissolve.

Some clinics also began providing a week's course of antibiotics to avoid infection; the others tested women and treated any with sexually transmitted diseases. In 2008, all the clinics started giving patients antibiotics.

"We decided we needed to make a safe procedure even safer," said the study's lead researcher, nurse practitioner Mary Fjerstad.

By the study's last six months, serious infections had declined to one-16th of the original rate.

"I think that providers are going to be pretty impressed with the data," said Dr. Beth Jordan, medical director of the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals, which plans to highlight the findings to doctors, nurse practitioners and pharmacists at its annual meeting in September.

Given that 87 percent of U.S. counties have no abortion provider, Jordan said the findings might encourage some primary care doctors to offer abortion using the pills.

"But I don't think it's going to open the floodgates," she said.

In October, the National Abortion Federation, representing 400 centers that provide more than half of abortions in the U.S. and Canada, will review the findings and decide whether to make changes accordingly. Federation President Vicki Saporta said current guidelines allow putting misoprostol in the cheek to dissolve, swallowing it, or inserting it in the vagina, which more than a third of her member clinics do.

Saporta said abortion opponents "have been misleading people into thinking that medical abortion is unsafe," but the study proves the procedure is safe. The cost is $400, only slightly less than the median cost for an early term surgical abortion.

Since approval in 2000, there have been six deaths from sepsis, a bloodstream infection, among the more than 1.1 million American women who have used Mifeprex, most recently one in July 2007. That's a death rate of less than 1 in 167,000, according to the maker, and less than 0.1 percent of patients have needed transfusions.

Misoprostol, which is officially approved in the U.S. for preventing stomach ulcers, is sold under the brand name Cytotec and made by Pfizer Inc.

Winikoff and Saporta both raised concerns about giving a full course of antibiotic treatment to all women to prevent very few infections — unlike the brief preventive dose given with surgical abortions. They said that could trigger a rare allergic reaction, add to the problem of antibiotic resistance and add to the cost of the procedure — making it unaffordable in developing countries.

Chris Gacek, a senior fellow at the anti-abortion Family Research Council, said he wasn't surprised by the increasing use of Mifeprex.

"I don't think at this point we're going to do anything" to try to limit its use, he said. "It's hard to know whether this increases the (total) number of abortions."

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Dreams

I don't know if dreams mean anything. I really don't. I just know I wish I could control them. It always seems that when I get the idea in my head that we should adopt or persue other options I have dreams of our child together. I rememeber one dream had a little girl in it who was red headed and had Tony's blue/green eyes and she was ours. Of course I don't remember all the details from the dream, but I woke up thinking I HAVE to have a baby(kind of like in the scene during Up and the wife sees babies in the clouds and all she has is babies on her brain). I have had dreams where I'm pregnant and others where I just had a baby. I wonder if its God's way of telling me not to give up on having my own yet or am I reading too much in to this?

Lucky and where do we go from here.

I feel pretty lucky to have my hubby. We've been going through this infertility stuff for 6 years now and its rough odviously. However, I am finding out that there are couples out there where one can want to keep going on with fertility treatments and the other doesn't or one says an ABSOLUTE "NO" to adoption. We've never been like that. Actually, its always been what I want to do. I guess its a good thing. We are both on the same page as "We HAVE to go forward." We just can't sit here and do nothing as it feels like thats what we have done for years.

I can recall our frame of mind each year.

Year one----- We heard a lot of "just relax" I MEAN A LOT!!! That wasn't frustrating then because we were totally oblivious to what was ahead. In the beginning "just relax" can be encouraging. I even got the "your so young, just wait a few years." I heard that one often. Didn't "get" how people cried at pregnancy announcements. I thought they were overreacting(oh, how niave I was)!! However, I've known all my life I could have trouble getting pregnant and always thought "I'll just adopt." Didn't realize that decision isn't so cut and dry. Spent about $100 on pregnancy tests!!!!

Year two-- Really got tired of hearing "just relax" and find out yours truly isn't ovulating and hubby's sperm count SUCKS. That was a fun year let me tell ya. However, we were broker than broke, so it was a mixed blessing to not have to buy birth control. Besides .. I was 24 I had "plenty of time." Enjoy looking at baby stuff still. Start OPK

Year three-- Moved and finally have health insurance only to find out fertility treaments aren't covered. Knowing we will have to pursue fertiltily treatments we go to RE and find out we might as well skip all the low tech crap and go straight for IVF. That was tough to hear, but FINALLY an answer. Meet coworker who has gone through the same thing. Ironically, she plans the baby showers at the school. WOW!!! Hearing pregnancy announcements really starts to sting, but I'm optomistic that we can afford fertility treatments. Learn that OPK are useless with PCOS.. waste of money. Proctor and Gamble owe me $$$.

Year Four---- Can't do anything due to cost restrictions. So, sit back and watch everyone else go forward while hearing ignorant comments from people. Realize that people are pretty dumb. Let family in on whats going on. I know FOUR years later, but really I didn't want people to know. I didn't want to hear ANOTHER opinion.

Year Five--- Go back to doc and as I walk in the building I wonder why the heck there are maternity clothes in the "gift shop." Seriously, it should be in a whole different building. Doc says "its been yada yada number of cycles you need to start treatments." DUH. You just make them cheaper and we'll talk about it.

Year Six--- Will turn 30... REALLY considering adoption of going to another country to have treatments.

Praying about both options.

Tony did say something pretty cute the other day. I called him after hearing about an IVF program in Cheh(sp?)Republic that would cost about $7,000 (EVERYTHING total 14 days) and he said "Would we have to pay for an extra plane ticket if there are three of us on our way back."

Such a dork.

With adoption We'd have to wait too as we only have a one bedroom apartment and we want Tony to finish school before we go any further. While I am leaning towards adoption I don't know if the agency will let us go further if we haven't pursued treatments. Its a catch 22.