The Homestudy

 HOME STUDY........

I spent two weeks of my summer vacation filling out adoption application paperwork like a mad woman. I was on a mission!!! Needless to say, I got the 13 page application done in two days. The remaining paperwork needed before the home study was faxed in within the next two weeks.  Criminal background (CHECK), FBI fingerprinting (CHECK), and that's just the beginning of it all.....

One of the most nerve wracking parts of the entire adoption process is the home study.   No one likes feeling "judged"; especially if you have endured years of infertility and decide to adopt.  You have to prove you are fit to be a parent BEFORE you can have a child come in to your home. It can be frustrating, and for some people the worst part of the entire process.  Fortunate for us, it wasn'

 I'm going to give you some MORE advice(you know JUST like when you were TTC and your neighbor's neighbor's friend said that their cousin had a hard time getting pregnant, and they stood on their head for 30 minutes "after" and BAM they were pregnant the next month) cause well... it's uncharted territory.

1) Get your house professionally cleaned.  You would be amazed how many people will be willing to help you if you tell them what it's for. TOTALLY worth it.

2) Set up a "baby room."  If you are still waiting for a baby this may be difficult. Heck, it was for us, but borrow from a friend if you need to.  You don't need a fancy crib, but  a basinnett and diapers will do. Just show u have a place for a baby/child.

3)  Baby proof like your hair is on fire. Those door handles are SO hard to open right now!!!!

4) RELAX!!! I'm basically telling myself this, cause that was difficult for me, but relax.

5) Bake cookies... it gives you something to do 30 minutes ahead of time, and makes the house homey.... offer water as well. It helps.

6) Get a GOOD night sleep the night before. Go to bed early, and when you get up do something productive. I advise praying, meditate, run, whatever it is you need to "chill."  
Our home study lasted 3 hours. We showed her around the house. She then interviewed us together. After that, we were spoken to at different times.  I feel like it went really well, and hopefully will be finalized within the next month.

If you have any questions just leave them in the comments below.

How it began

A good friend of mine e-mailed me on Facebook about speaking to a young woman about adoption since I was adopted myself.  I responded with "sure!!" A few days later I e-mailed the young woman and Long story short she e-mailed us and asked if we were interested in adopting her baby. I was floored, but of course said, "Sure." I knew another couple was in the "running" so to speak, and the bio mom and I e-mailed back and forth for a few weeks. She was wanting to know my view on open adoption, which I shared with her. We decided to meet in person the last week of July and she said she chose us. I cried (of course) and texted people, called and cried some more!!!

 We are doing this entire process backwards.  The bio mom chose us, we had our home study done within two weeks of applying (SERIOUSLY that has to be some record) and hope to have it finalized within the next month. 

Am I scared? Yes!!!
Did I post this all over Facebook??? YES!!! 

Here are some facts I am sharing
1)It is a very open adoption
2) It is in our same state
3) Yes, we will be there for the birth (HUGE BLESSING)

In my prior stalking of a zillion blogs reading of adoption blogs from all angles, I have learned a lot.  While open adoption may not be for everyone, it is for us in this specific situation.   We have waited 13 years for a child.  This blessing is not lost on us.

One reason I am returning to this blog is to keep track of how I feel in this process.  I want to be able to look back and remember how I longed for a child, and the pain I endured. I pray when this is adoption is final I "come out on the other side" so to speak. 

This is the largest "Leap of Faith" I have ever taken in my life. 

GRACE

The defentition of Grace in biblical terms is "Unearned gift, a favor bestowed as a gift."

It is with great happiness that I announced a birthmother has chosen us to parent her precious child.  I would like to keep the full details private, but it will be due January.

Over thrilled, overjoyed amazed is how we feel.  I remain in shock and awe in our birth mother's bravery.  We are also amazed at the positive reaction we have received from friends, family and strangers alike.

Adoption has evolved from what it use to be, and I praise God for that.  Our hearts are full and I have filled out more paperwork than I should, but with each form I fill out I focus on our gift.

I have had to have faith in this process.

I reflect on my blog and in one post I mentioned that maybe time was our obstacle.

This isn't anyone's timing,but God's.

So, when you pray, pray for our birth mother and  her heart. Pray for our precious bundle. Pray for us and our faith during this process.

Time flies

I'm in my 12th year of teaching, and happily teaching a new grade level. Whew!!! Much needed change.  My health is pretty good as I somehow turn 36 this year. That is 4 years from 40!! FORTY!!!!
I am not going to rush it that is for sure.   Since my last post we purchased a new Ford Escape. Love it!!  Not too much else has changed. We just keep on trucking after 12 years of marriage.
 So....I guess that is my update.

since my last post.

Wow... such craziness has occured since my last post.
I had the surgery. They had to remove my ovaries and tubes due to scar tissue. I also had a few complications. I had my bladder and bowel nicked.
I was on a low fiber diet and had a catheter for two weeks. You know those lovely bowel cleanses u have to do before abdominal surgery?? Do it!!! It saved me.
Then, 10 days after the surgery my incison got infected, and I had to be readmitted. Long story short, for the next 7 to 8 weeks I couldn't work because they had to reopen my incison and leave it open. Very eye opening and crazy. But.... I survived. Some people are not as fortunate and are fighting a much more difficult fight.
So, now I am dealing with menopause and hormone replacement.  Its fun stuff:(.  Through all this, I have been so impressed with my hubby who made every appointment and helped out with everything. I also don't think I could have had a more caring group of docs.  Super impressed doesnt even begin to cover it. I was almost in tears at my last appointment and wanted to say :"you care. You really care. Thank you soooo much."  I know that sounds miniscule, but I have never had a doc I feel 100 comfortable with that I can open up to.  I can tell my doc anything and not feel judged. Any question I ask isnt  dumb questions to him , and no arrogance. Ive had my share of rude arrogant docs. It drives me mad. I had an ovarian cyst removed over a decade ago, and that doc was great. Had we not moved, I would have made him my regular doc. The next doc had crappy nurses who laughed when they called with my husband's test results.  Then, we went to an RE here. I admired his knowledge,  but he was rushed, and I didn't feel cared for. I always left feeling broken. When I asked for some anti anxiety meds before Xmas because I was going to be around pregnant people he told me to be happy in the fact that I could drink and they couldnt. Did. Nothing.to.help.my anxiety.
 So, I feel like God brought these docs in to my life for peace of some sort.  I can't even think about the reality of never getting pregnant. I cant talk about it not even with my husband. I do all I can not to think about it.  They kept my uterus in because I guess it looked normal. So, with some creativity and my sister's eggs I could possibly get pregnant, but we  have no money to do such a thing. I deal with periods and hot flashes. We are working on balancing it all.  So, now that all the thoughts pouring out in any random order I don't know where this leads us. I'm drained emotionally, but feel blessed in others through all this.



 can tell anything to. This is the first one.

Blank

I'm titling this "Blank" because I'm at a loss on how to present this, and I haven't blogged in ages. So, I guess here goes...

I went to my Gyno for a bladder infection about a week ago. It was hurting my abdomen when using the bathroom. In a twist, my reg doc wasn't available and I needed someone right then. I went in, peed ( to make sure I wasn't pregnant. Ha) and he did an exam( this doc was around my age , so I was hesitant . That went away when I realized how professional he was). He felt around my abdomen and sent me down to radiology for an ultrasound. I wasn't panicked . I've had one before . This one though, lasted a good 30 minutes. The tech asked when my last CT scan was (like a freaking decade ago) and then asked when my last hcg (tube check)was. Now, before I go on. I'm not dumb. I knew something was up with my biznass. I had cysts in the past, so I figured that's what she was seeing. No biggie. Well, until she turned the screen so I couldn't see my insides. Which I love looking at . Then, she turned the volume up. Odd. However , I was calm, cool and collected until she printed out the long stack of ultrasound pics saying,"stay there I'm going to ask the radiologist if these are enough pictures." Yeah, dark room, alone freak out time. "Enough pics of WHAT!???" Was what inside my brain said. So, I hyper focused on a pic on the wall.  Upon her return I was told I was good to go and headed back up to my docs office . The doc shared with me that my tubes suck and have to be removed . They are what's causing pain. I have ovarian cysts. Then, apparently I have a solid small tumor( not cyst like my other ones) with a blood supply on my tube. Both of these need to be removed. Tumor and tubes. He said Fallopian tube cancer is rare, but we have to biopsy it to 

be sure . Now, I'm a girl with previous abdominal surgery, so all stomach surgery is a big deal. If it's cancer, I have a total hysterectomy and go from there. 

I know there are people going through treatments now, and I don't know how they feel. I don't want to know. So , I'm praying this thing is benign and then I'm done with it.  What this means on the fertility front likely is no kids, no treatments.  Nada. 

 So, I went in for what I thought would be a z pack I left with the news I needed surgery . I want it done and over with. I meet with an Oncologist (didn't even know what one was til a year ago ) Thursday for Preop and surgery is the next Friday . 

It is what it is

"It is what it is" is a quote that is seen to me as a "just deal with it, you can't change it" attitude. This can apply to every single situation in life.

So, here I am nearly a decade in to my chosen profession as a teacher and I'm debating whether I can take any more of this or not. There is so much I can't control. There is so much expected out of a teacher up to the point that we neglect our own emotional well being,and if you aren't you just aren't a good teacher. This mentality begins with society and extends to the mind frame of the higher ups who just haven't been there.
I never imagined being anything but a teacher, but maybe I can be a teacher in other capacities. I've always wondered "what would I do if I didn't teach???" Well, I've found my answer. I'd become a Registered Dietician. This is  something that 23 year old me (which happens to be the age I was upon graduating with an Elementary degree) would have scoffed at. Weight loss and success has inspired to have me learn more. With this floating around in my mind. Am I tired? Do I just need a vacation that I haven't had?
GREAT Questions!!!!!    I know for a fact that I don't think I can do this job for another 30 years. Forget all the intrinsic "rewards."

There are many things to consider.

1) I'd have to keep my teaching job while I pursued this as a Masters Degree online and I'd have some pre requs to take.
2) $$$$$$$
3) There is an Internship required. I'd have to plan what we would do for $ during that time.

I've done some internal thinking and beating myself up.

Does wanting to quit teaching mean that I'm a bad teacher? NO!!! Many wonderful teachers have quit because this is not what they signed up for. All the teacher prep programs in the world can't fix a broken system.  The testing is out of control. The children come to school with bad parenting and we are expected to fix it. I can still be a teacher, but teaching people who want to better their lives.

Can we afford this? I'd start taking my pre reqs at a nearby Jr College along with a nutrition course. Itd have to be a day by day thing.

Amazing how my life goals can change in a matter of a few years. I"m no longer the novice teacher. I'm jaded and don't see the system changing. I can't change it. Teachers have tried for years, but we don't get listened to. We get ignored and they add more to our already filled plate.

So, I'll be continuing my research, planning and praying to see if this is a direction I want to go!