As long as we have been in this infertility trial I honestly don't feel like I have lost faith in God. Now, to say I haven't had my "Why me moments" (days) would be an overexaggeration along with momments of frustration with Him. I still feel and hopefully will always feel that God knows what He is doing. My faith can't be one of convienince. I can't say "OK God I'll believe in more if you just make my body do what I want it to do." or "bring a child to us through adoption." We are a lot like little children at times I think. We pout and say "I'm not talking to you until you do what I say." So, what do we do when we finally get an answer to our prayer??? Do we say "Thank You and" and forget when we turned our backs on Him ??? That again is childless and something I am striving not to do.
To lose faith in God would be counterproductive I think. I can see how it can happen in all honesty because when we pray we seem to expect God's answer to be "Yes" especially when it comes to something as basic as having a child. We don't understand why others get their prayers answered and we don't. Reminding myself that God is in control is difficult especially as more people around me are able to go on with their lives.
3 comments:
Great blog post. This is something I have been struggling quite a bit with lately. I find myself getting so mad at God when I see 14 year girls walking through the grocery store that are pregnant, yet my husband and I have been struggling for 2 years. It's nice to see your faith has not been rocked by this experience. I pray that I can get to your level someday soon.
You make some really good points. It is hard to keep faith in God when things are difficult. Good for you for keeping your faith strong.
I don't think anger is losing faith. I think its normal to be angry. I'm defenintly guilty of that. Its a very very hard struggle not to be angry even if we adopt. I fight it often. This time of year brings out a lof of things we keep bottled up inside. It makes us so vulnerable.
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