Well, my sister had a miscarriage. I was truely upset for her. However, I'm sorry;,I wasn't devestated. I defenintly hope she can get pregnant again with no problems as she also has PCOS. I mean it took her one month this time, so it may just take one time again. It was difficult for her of course, and she continues to have conflicting emotions about the outcome. HOWEVER.. her following statement just PISSED ME off. She said, "People who do fertility treatments have to be insane because I've gone to the doctor to get bloodwork one day one time a week at it sucks." WTH?? I wasn't so upset that she complained about getting blood work. Who wants bloodwork especially if its because you JUST lost a pregnancy? I would think it would just be a reminder of your loss. What got me is she said people who did infertility treatments were insane. I first thought it was figurative language.
No, it wasn't. Well, what if thats your ONLY hope for a biological child? I questioned her. She said, "You can't let your mind "go there." What? How does your mind not "Go there?" Maybe IVF isn't for her, but ironically enough she doesn't need it. Hell, it took her one try to get pregnant, so in all honesty its a whole different world to her. Its the opposite end of the spectrum. She said, "What if this was sixty years ago and you didn't have the option of fertility treatments?" Well, I guess we'd adopt. However, this isn't 60 years ago. People have landed on the moon and major improvement in cancer treatments have been made since then.
Other points were made and I just was appalled. All in all I think she feels like those who do IVF or fertility treatments are irrational and it has taken over my life. Well, yes, it has taken over my life. Its who I am. How can it not take over your life? In a way its like Cancer. No one wants it, they cringe at the thought of it and are totally relieved that its "not them." Its taken over every major decision we have made.
I was appalled that I have to defend choices that I have to make. I wish more than anything in my life I didn't have to make these choices. The ONLY reason we haven't done IVF is the costs. THATS it. It happens to be our only chance of a biological child. This is THE reason I kept my mouth shut for four years. I didn't tell family we were trying. I just let them assume we were waiting. Then, I started getting dumb comments, and I felt the need to be more open about it. The above remarks made are just a few of the reasons Infertile women don't speak up more. We shouldn't have to defend our disease or put up with comments from people who have no idea what its like to walk in our shoes. While its not deadly. It is still a disease.
3 comments:
I've come to realize people don't mean to be hurtful, they just don't know better. You wrote:
Well, I guess we'd adopt. However, this isn't 60 years ago. People have landed on the moon and major improvement in cancer treatments have been made since then.
I guess we'd adopt...you make it sound bad but I know you don't mean to it just comes across that way.
I'm not defending your sister. What she said was insensitive and down right mean but she honestly doesn't know better or she wouldn't say such a mean thing to you.
Yeah, I guess it did come out as sounding bad. I def don't mean it that way. I firmly believe adoption is a great thing and is not a last resort, but at that time it was your only choice.
Isn't it funny how some of the cruelest comments can come from some one who is supposed to be so close to you? My little sister has said quite a few negative, hurtful things about my birth-mother-hood. I think it hurts even more when it comes from some one like your sister.
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