Christmas x2

To some people it may be comforting to hear what could be worse in life than your current situation. A soldier at war who has lost his legs may greive their loss of legs, but be thankful to God that they are alive. Does that make their reality of losing their legs anymore real or less painful. No. They still lost their ability to walk again. They have to grieve that loss. To tell them "Well, it could be worse," could fall on deaf ears because at that time its the worst thing they have to learn to live with.  By telling them this, the only person you made feel better was yourself.

The above situation is how I feel about comments made to me recently.  A few months ago I was given a pregnancy announcement, and I didn't take it well. This was IMMEDIATLEY followed by telling me that someone we knew had terminal cancer. The whole reasoning was to tell me this at that very moment was as to make me think, "you think you've got it bad this person will DIE." That's just not fair. It made me feel guilty for being upset about a pregnancy announcment.. I hate that because its like there is this imaginary scale of life experiences and which is more painful.  Its almost like people use these things as arsenals to minimize your situation and make you think, "Well, its not THAT bad" or "I'm overexaggerating." While in the end you feel like your feelings don't matter.

Another situation happened over Christmas when given another pregnancy announcement and I started crying in front of family.  Yes it was lovely. I hate that because it makes me SO vulnerable and its something usually only my hubby sees. Its something I don't want anyone else to see because they don't get it. However, you see a trend here of what sets me off.  This  person was not only cruel in their choice of words, but smug to say the least.  I felt they took my vulnerable state and rolled with it. This is one person I learned LONG AGO not to share anything with as she has a tendency to make it worse. She stated that after she had her child she couldn't have anymore due to a hysterecomy. So essentially this person was trying to make me feel guilty for being upset because they experienced something similar.  I'm not going to play the Pain Olympics, but there is a difference between 1 versus zero.  Then for what I felt was the ultimate low blow.. she brought up someone who had a baby die at 20 weeks about 3 years back. How cruel can you be???Do they think I'm that selfish to not think that losing a baby would horrible. I'm well aware that it is a reality and is one of my greatest fears as I know pregnancy does not always equal baby in the end.  They were pulling at straws to make me think other people have it worse. That works with.. NO ONE. Just as telling someone, "Well at least you could get pregnant" after multiple miscarriages doesn't work either.  The only thing this person succeeded in was making me want to hit them. I had to leave the house. 

  So, I decided to take this as a lesson learned.  When someoene is upset, let them be uspet. Don't compare YOUR pain or someone elses unfortunate life situations to theirs because its just not fair. No matter how small it may seem in your eyes. Its not at all in theirs.  Let them deal the way they know how.  I have learned when I hear pregnancy announcements I need my husband.  NO ONE ELSE!!!  I also can't be around the person giving the announcement. Nothing against them, but its how I cope. I have to be able to get away, cry, be upset, reasses and then come back. To made to feel guilty about how I've learned to deal with it is not fair.  I was not given that opportunity this Christmas. It was just thrown out there and I was not able to get away.  To mock my reaction is cruel.