decisions

I can't make a decision for the life of me.I just can't!! You should of seen me picking colleges!!! I was bound and determined NOT to attend the same college my family had attended. My mom had mentioned the one I eventually ended up attending  early in my Senior year  and I rolled my eyes at her. WHY? It HAD to be MY decision. I applied all over the state. If you know my state you  know its huge. May of my Senior year my parents deemed every weekend "Find Jamie a college weekend." FUN RIGHT?? Well, one weekend we went to the college my mom had suggested to me and guess what?? I FELL in LOVE the second I walked on campus. My parents were relieved I think, and happily wrote a check for the deposit on my apartment. I was a happy camper.

The same went for dating,scheduling, jobs and everything else since then. As far as infertility goes I've been all over the place. First, it was an unexpected thing to deal with. There are no rules on how to handle it and its just different. Not a good different either.  I want it all to be easy. I want to KNOW what will happen in the future. To be honest money is my main reason for not going further, and I'm certain I'm not alone in this.  Family will help with adoption, but infertility treatments we are on our own. I can understand that. Its a gamble. $14,000 a try gamble.

Not to mention, I want my family stable. I get very anxious if I feel financially out of it.  I would hate to try IVF and have it not work only to be depleted of everything we had making us uneligible to adopt. I'd rather have that money in savings if I had it available to me. Not to mention, its simply money we don't have. End of Story. 

To think I'm the major financial decision maker in the family!!! Ah yi yi.