Since I am very strongly considering adoption this has given me time to reflect on my own adoption and how I want my child to view their biological families (these days call First Parents), its also a good way to see what I want done in our situation that may of possibly been overlooked in my own.
I was adopted through the state and those adoptions are normally closed. However, since I was finally given to my parents at the age of 4 after being fostered by family for 2 or so years (adoption finalized at 6 due to paperowork mishaps) I had memories and it was my parents choice if they wanted contact with the biological family. We kept contact with my biological grandmother who I remember adoring. However, we did not keep contact with our biological mom or dad. We were told by my biological grandparents that they did not know where she was(this turned out to be false) We were always told "she was too young to have children" and it was too much for her. I always accepted that answer and went on with my life. Turns out that was the truth. Given these facts alone I can see quickly that my family would of been one of disfunction had I stayed with them. Not to say my adoptive family is perfect(however they are pretty awesome) I feel a great sense of security with them far more than I ever did with my biological family.
If I ever had and questions towards my adoption it was: Why the HECK did my biological mom NOT give us up for adoption on her own? I KNOW she was young. I KNOW its difficult. However, it would of prevented some unfortunate situations from happening to my older sister who was also eventually adopted as well. The state had to step in . Its one reason I get upset when I see girls getting pregnant so young. Their situation could easily be the same.
While my reasons for adopting will be different than my own parents, they are helping me with the process. My view of my child's biological parent (family) will be different than what they viewed ours as.
14 comments:
Thank you for sharing your story. I too look at young women and think about those kids. I feel so bad for both of them. My MIL had a teenage pregnancy and she only had my husbando (E) about 12 years later. When E prods and asks about his half-sibling she gets really defensive. I am just glad she chose adoption as I am not sure how as a young teenager she would have been able to handle it.
Stopping by for an ICLW visit...
No. 2: the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, nanowrimo)
Thanks for sharing. It was insightful and interesting to read.
ICLW
Good luck with the adoption, if you decide to go ahead with it. I'm sure you'll be an awesome mom, but with your own family history, you'll be able to give your adopted son or daughter so much extra needed support.
It's SO great to hear from your perspective! You have no idea!
My husband and I are in the process of adopting through the foster care system. Our son was removed from his birth mother for abuse and neglect when he was 15 months old. He spent a couple of months with his maternal great-grandparents, but has been with us since January. He turned 2 in July. Anyway, I have a hard time having positive thoughts toward his birth mother because I KNOW what she did to him, and I don't take kindly to people abusing my child (and he IS my child in my heart...I love him just as much as I'd love someone who came from my own womb). I think it would be different if she had voluntarily put him up for adoption.
I digress...sorry. lol It's so great to hear the point of view of a former foster child who was adopted through the system. Thanks so much!
It's interesting to hear that some who had been adopted wants to adopt. Most times, I hear the other side - what a horrible thing adoption is, primal wounds, etc. It would be interesting if you wrote more about your thoughts on adoption today.
Thank you for sharing. I'm so intrigued by adoption and would love to look into it more, but my husband isn't keen on the idea. He's been scared off by too many "Lifetime Movie: horror stories. Perhaps someday he'll be more open to the idea.
I enjoyed reading your story. My husband and I talk about becoming foster parents, and/or adopting, so I like to learn all I can.
Megan
ICLW
I think you have such an interesting perspective to share on adoption. I think it is great how you'll be able to relate to your child on that level.
I think any child you adopt will be lucky to have such an understanding and insightful parent.
Congrats to your hubby for graduating from the fire academy. My husband use to be a fire fighter and I spent years as a paramedic.
I too get frustrated when I learn of a young girl who has gotten pregnant and has decided to keep the child. Both mother and child end up suffering in the long run.
Good for you for processing how you want to handle it before the situation arises.
Being an adoptee yourself it must give you a unique perspective that I think a lot of other adoptive parents would be interested in reading about. I know people who are considering adoption (myself included) worry alot about their choices to tell or not tell, open or closed adoption, etc. We are all worried about making the right choices for our future children.
You will be an awesome mom someday! Best wishes...
Robin
ICLW
http://lookingformykeys.blogspot.com
Thank you for sharing your story. Adoption is not a decision to take lightly and I love that you're letting your own life experience shape your decision.
Wishing you all the best.
(ICLW)
Thanks for sharing your story. It's nice to see something positive come out of adoption for a change (unlike all those stories in the media).
You have a perspective on adoption that only a few people can have: that as the adopted child and the adoptive parent. It's really good to be able to see more than just what is in front of you. I've always thought I would not adopt. Mainly because I have always been the one looking after other people's kids and if I have one of my own I really want it to be my own. I am tired of looking after kids that are not my own. (Hello from IComLeavWe).
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