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Saturday, December 17, 2011

Bored and xmas

I'm bored, so I'm posting.  Yeah, I probably shouldn't admit that, but oh well.

I love my new house. Hense the reason I DON'T want to visit family for Xmas. We have gone to both families during our two weeks off for our entire marriage.   Its not like our families live right down the road either. This is Texas, Nothing is close. My family is 6 hours away and his is about 5. So, really I just want to veg at my house. Will this happen? Highly doubt it. I'm just feeling nonchalant about the holidays. 

Oh, and an update on the baby situation. It looks like it won't work out. It hurts a little, but I was never promised anything, so I'm not too devastated.  I  can now only imagine what a true failed adoption must feel like. I wasn't in tears and I was VERY cautious emotionally, but I would think that if you finally let your guard down and it failed it would just be awful. 

Sunday, December 4, 2011



OK, so a friend of mine on Facebook just posted that she may give her baby up for adoption. So, I emailed her and she's still in the decision making process. Its difficult and I know I shouldn't give it too much thought and put too much in to it and these things fall through all the time, but its a possibility!!! A possibility of having a little boy next year!!! I know I shouldn't get too excited, but I am. I'm praying for her and her decision to be what God has planned and I'm praying I don't get my hopes up so much that I get sick. This is our first POSSIBILITY EVER.

Monday, November 21, 2011

What have I been doing??

Ive been insanely busy with work. Budget cuts affect much more than you realize. Its craziness.
I enjoy my job, but YIKES!

On the Infertlity homefront we are still in the same place, but I'm feeling better about it. Not near as much anger and jealousy about the situation,but I'vve been so busy I honestly havent given it much thought.

I also have learned I don't like discussing it with people because random stupid shit comes out of their mouths. Its draining to try and not say "No, I don't want you to carry my baby, I realize you just LOVE being pregnant, but maybe I'd like that chance to"  Its frustrating when people who haven't had to walk your path to advise you on what choices to make.  GOOD LAWD people really? OK.. maybe the anger is still there:) Comes with the territory I guess.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

NIAW Mythbusting....

This is National Infertility Awareness Week (click the link to read the history) and our goal is to write a blog to bust a myth about infertility.  After eight years I have heard them all. Hold your legs up, just relax, adopt then you'll get pregnant. You know.. the usual idiotic statements. Here is my current myth.

JUST BECAUSE MY TWIN SISTER IS PREGNANT DOES NOT MEAN I WILL AUTOMATICALLY GET PREGNANT TOO!! I am NOT next so PLEASE stop telling me that. That doesn't give me hope it rubs salt in the wound. Thank. you. very. much!!!!

We've tried for almost eight years now. Its been hell. My sister tires once (ONCE people) and got pregnant!!! So, really do you think its now going to automatically work for me?? If it wasn't so painful I'd be laughing my butt off. So, no pregnancy is not genetic, and this is something people should have learned back in Junior High.

I am having a very difficult time dealing with the fact shes been married one year and got pregnant as soon as she wanted. That is now a foreign concept to me. So, no I won't get pregnant just because my twin sister is.

So.. to that bitter announcement. Infertility does not become easier to deal with through the years as many think it does. It becomes more real as we see others who can go on with their lives and have their families. We are taught that if you want something bad enough all you have to do is work hard for it... houses, cars, jobs, education.  That's not true of infertility especially if you have no insurance coverage for it or can't afford the thousands of dollars out of pocket. Its almost like your stuck in a perpetual limbo. Your life can't go forward and your life plan has to change from what you thought it would be. This is an unchosen path much like the death of a loved one.  Its difficult to see others who can afford these treatments or adoption become  able to resolve their issues. So nothing gets resolved.

Click here to see Infertlity 101 from Resolve.