sad/Easter... LONG:)

Easter went pretty well. We went to my husband's families house and my nieces and nephews went Easter Egg Hunting. We did this all on Saturday due to conflicting schedules etc, but it went very well. Tony and I even RAN in the mornings and I'm not a runner. I'm glad we did though!!!
We also invited Tony's best friend and his wife to join in on the fun.

Well, of course they are pregnant, because right now it's just the cool thing to be apparently. Neeless to say, I found out about their pregnancy RIGHT after I found out about 3 others. So, I didn't handle it very well, I was very concerned about how I would behave. I warned my husband and my Mother In Law that if I walk out I just needed to get away, and if I was going to have a break down please just let me be. No ones seen me have a break down except my husband and I didn't think that was the time or the place for someone else to witness this lovely scene.

Now, the PLUS side to this situation is that she tried for three years to get pregnant, but she got pregnant taking the same meds I am(Eventhough she's taking the same meds our situations are much different) so she's not exactly unsympathetic and won't tell me "Its not a race." I KNEW that wasn't going to happen. She's 13 weeks and cautiously optimistic. When she got there it was awkward and I kept myself busy in the kitchen while Tony entertained them in the dining room. THANK YOU!!!!! EVERY bit of support I have from Tony just makes us stronger.

So, I went in to the dining room when I was ready. It's so strange, I have no clue how I am going to react until the very moment I am faced with another pregnant person. I just know no matter what I didn't want to make them feel guilty. If that is possible. So, we sat down to eat and there was no discussion of the pregnancy. This is one of those lose lose situations really because OF course they are happy and want to talk about it, but given our situation they were kind enough not to rub it in.

I was relieved to realize I wasn't angry I just found myself extremely sad. I sat there during and after lunch in complete silence (which is NOT normal for me) and just thought about how lucky she got. (Even when my Sister -In-Law talked about how all these people in her family are pregnant I didn't flinch, however my pregnant friend looked at me I think expecting me to break down. I just hyperfocused on the trees outside.) She went through this and WON!!! She won't have to spend all the money she anticipated on spending on IVF!!! So, I was sad for me. What if that's NEVER me??? I honestly don't know if I can emotionally bear that. I really don't. I found myself wanting to ask her questions and finally did because I was curious. I know she was waiting for me to bring it up or not, kinda put the ball in my court. I slowly asked her how her family reacted and how she's feeling. She's not forgetting the struggle that got her there.

Who knows what will happen in the future with them, but Tony said I was awesome!!! Big sigh of relief. I of course do wish them the best and NEVER hope for bad things out of jealousy. EVER heard of Karma????