Six years and we aren't any further. OMG.. SERIOUSLY!!! Truly, life's ultimate cruel joke. I know how these women in the bible felt when they couldn't become pregnant. FORGOTTEN!!!Some societies rule you as an outcast. While in America that doesn't happen as bad as other countries. There still is an ignorance toward infertility that I wish would go away. It's not chosen and I'm not uneducated and I gurantee you this had made me more Pro-Life than I ever thought I'd be. To say this has changed me and my outlook on life is an understatement. It's left me with unanswered questions.... WHY does an abortion cost $500 and IVF $10,000 per try not including drugs? Shouldn't it be the OTHER way around??? WHY does the government reward women who can have babies and can't afford to raise them with welfare checks and they don't pay a DIME in taxes because of their decuctions? WHY are infertiles well educated women AND men?? WHY can't people realize infertility is a disease and NOT a lifestyle choice(it has recently been declared a disability!!!) WHY can't insurance cover SOOO much more for so many who deserve it?? How can people be so cruel at times and shock the living daylights out of me??
Right now, and honestly in what seems like it's been forever I'm in total limbo. Not being able to go forward with having a family is like being stuck hense the title. I think with time it gets worse. I'd thought it'd get better, but the feelings change. I become more rushed, scared, imbittered and beaten down JUST because I can't SOLVE my problem. I've become someone I've never thought I'd be. I can go to the doctor a zillion times and get results and can do NOTHING about it. It's not like the possible result to our problem isn't there. It is, we just can't afford it. That alone kills me, and if we could afford it that doesn't gurantee it to work. This STILL doesn't keep me from wanting to go ahead with it. If I'd had this much determination in high school I'd of been Valedictorian!!! SO many unkowns!!!!
Those who don't have to endure any infertility treatments lack a certain understanding. While they can never truly understand, and I'm not evil enough to wish this on someone. It's a Handle With Care Situation." It's truly all encompassing. Every aspect of your life is controlled just for hope. Emotionally, I'm so erratic. Some days I'm O.K. others I'm a mess inside. Physically, I've found something I can control, so I've started working out and have lost weight. I've become my own psychologist and figured out pretty quickly I've done this because THIS I CAN control and since I wasn't getting pregnant and I felt like my body was controlling me I took over and had to control it. What I've noticed is I've never seen someone become an alcoholic over this, and infertility is the perfect formula for it if you ask me. However, us infertiles tend to treat our bodies pretty good and have been taking Pre-Natals for eons, drink very little and we DON'T smoke. We are prepared, let me tell ya!! We are the POSTER children on what you SHOULD DO!!!!
Financially.. that's a joke. We had a new insurance meeting the other day. Premiums went up. Did my insurance get BETTER?? Of course not. NO IVF coverage. However, they can diagnose it. Makes no sense if you ask me.
I remember the days before I even considered having children ,probably in high school I would see women on TV who had like 6 children at a time due to fertility treatments and I'd think "If they had faith they wouldn't need fertility treatments." GEEEEE... that was so ignorant!!! I'd see these women or hear stories and would think "That won't be me, I might have problems getting pregnant, but I won't need fertility treatments." YUP, I KNOW this is everyone's fear and when someone gets pregnant on their own they have to feel relief that "at least it's not me." I know I would feel this way if this was me, and I have in the past when I'd hear those stories. Just hearing those stories stressed me out. So, NEVER say "I'd never have fertility treatments." because you don't have ONE IOTA of a clue what you really would do when actually faced head on face to face with it. Many a couple has said that and has had to eat their words. It's very humbling to say the least.
We aren't any further than the day we were diagnosed, like a mouse on a stick trap. We are a complicated case. Still, though, I know what my end goal is. That's what keeps me going.
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