???

Well, my new (one month of marriage) Sister in Law is pregnant. 12 weeks to be exact... HMMMM do the math. This is my brother's wife. Along with my OTHER sister in law being pregnant with her 3rd one on the other side of the family it makes for an emotional catastrophy for me. My mom called last night (shes known for weeks) and told my husband... I grabbed the phone and asked.. "WHOS PREGNANT???" No one had to tell me I could tell by their conversation that was what was going on. I LOST it. I cried for HOURS and am still amazed at the irony of it all. Statistically, I should have a baby by now. I'm 30 and started trying at 23. She's had 2 kids already. One of them has already had a baby herself. So.. this STUNG bad. I went to sleep last night with a huge headache and woke up so depressed. I got in the tub and tried to think about being happy because I'm getting another neice or nephew(the 12th one) and I couldn't. I just started crying everytime I tried to think of it. I don't know where I am emotionally right now. I know where I was last night, and it was a bad place, but now I honestly don't know. I just hurt. That simple. I use to pretend to be happy for people when they got pregnant. Now, it just takes too much emotional energy.