Grief

As women we are conditioned to become mothers.  I don't care where you came from. We JUST are. Go look at any toy isle and you will find a babydoll with diapers and all the gear for a three year old to play with to prepare her for motherhood. Now, you won't find this in the boys isles!!!  We play house with our friends, put our doll in a stroller and keep them "fed." Growing up and "name" our future children as we talk with our friends. We talk of our future husbands and families and how we want to have 4 children 2 years apart. In Junior High we learn how "babies are made"(some learn before that). We eventually go on to High School and college, get married to someone we love to hopefully reach the goal we set for ourselves at the mere age of three. WOW... such high expectations of ourselves at such a young age.

Along with this Pregnancy is celebrated EVERYWHERE just look at the "Baby Bump"shirts and the baby clothes sections of stores. I mean its a huge market.  When a celebrity gets pregnant its news.  Its supposedly a wonderful experience. The most amazing feeling in the world. WHO wouldn't want that??

BUT>>>>What happens though when what we had engrained in us  growing up doesn't happen.?The birds and the bees don't work, Junior High Science fails us? We learned ALL about birth control. I don't think I saw the term IUI or IVF in my biology book. It all sounded so dang easy. Heck I was told I could get pregnant without even having sex(Someone explain that one to me).    Our emotions go out of wack... we have to rechange our thinking... join a new "world." The Fertile world is too painful and far to clueless to understand.  We simply GRIEVE... STRONGLY.. There is a name for this grief....

This is called  (def) Dis­en­fran­chised Grief: when the grief is con­nected with a loss which can­not be openly acknowl­edged, pub­licly mourned or socially sup­ported. In many cases of dis­en­fran­chised grief, the rela­tion­ship is not recog­nised, the loss is not recog­nised or the griever is not recog­nised. The loss of a child through infertility/ miscarriage is usu­ally a loss which can­not be openly acknowl­edged, which is why people often suf­fer in silence...people who have expe­ri­enced any type of loss often feel anger, guilt, sad­ness, depres­sion, hope­less­ness and numb­ness and that in cases of dis­en­fran­chised grief, these feel­ings can per­sist for a very long time. The lack of recog­ni­tion of their grief often results in them hold­ing on to it more tena­ciously than they might oth­er­wise have done.

Grief strongly needs to acknowledged as "right."  What one person may grieve another may not.  I feel embarassement, ridicule, and feelings of inadequacy leads to disenfranchised grief.  Grief needs an outlet. Some write, take photographs, make friends with others going through similar things and  others find strength in their Faith.  If one thing I have learned from my struggle with Infertility (and I've learned so many things) is I can't be afraid to feel what I'm feeling even if others "just don't get it" like my insurance company.  Each persons loss is different, but acknowledge it.