What have I been doing??

Ive been insanely busy with work. Budget cuts affect much more than you realize. Its craziness.
I enjoy my job, but YIKES!

On the Infertlity homefront we are still in the same place, but I'm feeling better about it. Not near as much anger and jealousy about the situation,but I'vve been so busy I honestly havent given it much thought.

I also have learned I don't like discussing it with people because random stupid shit comes out of their mouths. Its draining to try and not say "No, I don't want you to carry my baby, I realize you just LOVE being pregnant, but maybe I'd like that chance to"  Its frustrating when people who haven't had to walk your path to advise you on what choices to make.  GOOD LAWD people really? OK.. maybe the anger is still there:) Comes with the territory I guess.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving.

NIAW Mythbusting....

This is National Infertility Awareness Week (click the link to read the history) and our goal is to write a blog to bust a myth about infertility.  After eight years I have heard them all. Hold your legs up, just relax, adopt then you'll get pregnant. You know.. the usual idiotic statements. Here is my current myth.

JUST BECAUSE MY TWIN SISTER IS PREGNANT DOES NOT MEAN I WILL AUTOMATICALLY GET PREGNANT TOO!! I am NOT next so PLEASE stop telling me that. That doesn't give me hope it rubs salt in the wound. Thank. you. very. much!!!!

We've tried for almost eight years now. Its been hell. My sister tires once (ONCE people) and got pregnant!!! So, really do you think its now going to automatically work for me?? If it wasn't so painful I'd be laughing my butt off. So, no pregnancy is not genetic, and this is something people should have learned back in Junior High.

I am having a very difficult time dealing with the fact shes been married one year and got pregnant as soon as she wanted. That is now a foreign concept to me. So, no I won't get pregnant just because my twin sister is.

So.. to that bitter announcement. Infertility does not become easier to deal with through the years as many think it does. It becomes more real as we see others who can go on with their lives and have their families. We are taught that if you want something bad enough all you have to do is work hard for it... houses, cars, jobs, education.  That's not true of infertility especially if you have no insurance coverage for it or can't afford the thousands of dollars out of pocket. Its almost like your stuck in a perpetual limbo. Your life can't go forward and your life plan has to change from what you thought it would be. This is an unchosen path much like the death of a loved one.  Its difficult to see others who can afford these treatments or adoption become  able to resolve their issues. So nothing gets resolved.

Click here to see Infertlity 101 from Resolve.

Ginas Skinny Recipes: Avocado and Mango Salsa

Ginas Skinny Recipes: Avocado and Mango Salsa

AGAIN

My twin sister is pregnant again. First Try after her miscarriage in August. I don't want her having a repeat of the event, but it still hurts. She gets to try again and it worked.  I don't know if I even believe the word "blessed" anymore. I almost despise it. I think a better word is luck. I'm really struggling with my Faith right now.  I don't believe in "meant to be." 

I'm struggling with a lot right now and its all internal. I don't have the words to say because I cant pinpoint how i feel.

Christmas

OK.. So Thanksgiving is here and gone, and bring on Christmas. I've vowed to make this year less gifty and more family. Last year it was all about gifts and I felt so greedy and I didn't enjoy that at all. Its not about the gifts. Its odd this year when someone asks me what I want for Christmas I feel really guilty. Now, don't get me wrong, I REALLY need a new toaster and I'd be more than thrilled with some new clothes, but I think its very important to get in to what this holiday is all about. I'm thankful I'm spending this holiday with my family this year. Now, my family isn't perfect and we do our fair share amount of donating to the economy during Christmas, but we do make Christ a pretty large part of Christmas. I really enjoy that.   I'm counting down to when school is out!!!

New Post

It has been a while since I've posted. The school year gets going and I just am exhausted at the end of the day. Ay yi yi. Now, my husband's grandma is very sick and it looks like she has little time left. She was diagnosed with cancer pretty much all over along with having strokes. She is now on hospice care. Ironically, my own grandmother is doing pretty darn good and shes at home now happy as can be. I can say 2010 has pretty much sucked. YUCK!!!

With that said, I did read an article from the Washington post about Face.book posts being difficult on Infertile couples. This, I can say from experience is DEF true. I'm pretty quiet on FB about infertility. However,  I have made a few FB statuses.. NEVER again. Most people do say stupid stuff and this is why no one posts about it. Normally, the stupid comments come from those who have already have scads of children. I read this post and was CRACKING up laughing because its so true and puts humor in to a blah situation.

With that said. I'm worn out. Type later

and THIS is why I didnt tell people for FOUR years we were trying.

Well, my sister had a miscarriage. I was truely upset for her. However, I'm sorry;,I wasn't devestated. I defenintly hope she can get pregnant again with no problems as she also has PCOS. I mean it took her one month this time, so it may just take one time again. It was difficult for her of course, and she continues to have conflicting emotions about the outcome. HOWEVER.. her following statement just PISSED ME off. She said, "People who do fertility treatments have to be insane because I've gone to the doctor to get bloodwork one day one time a week at it sucks." WTH?? I wasn't so upset that she complained about getting blood work. Who wants bloodwork especially if its because you JUST lost a pregnancy? I would think it would just be a reminder of your loss. What got me is she said people who did infertility treatments were insane. I first thought it was figurative language.

No, it wasn't.  Well, what if thats your ONLY hope for a biological child? I questioned her. She said, "You can't let your mind "go there."  What?  How does your mind not "Go there?" Maybe IVF isn't for her, but ironically enough she doesn't need it. Hell, it took her one try to get pregnant, so in all honesty its a whole different world to her. Its the opposite end of the spectrum. She said, "What if this was sixty years ago and you didn't have the option of fertility treatments?" Well, I guess we'd adopt. However, this isn't  60 years ago.  People have landed on the moon and major improvement in cancer treatments have been made since then. 

Other points were made and I just was appalled.  All in all I think she feels like those who do IVF or fertility treatments are irrational and it has taken over my life. Well, yes, it has taken over my life.  Its who I am. How can it not take over your life? In a way its like Cancer. No one wants it, they cringe at the thought of it and are totally relieved that its "not them." Its taken over every major decision we have made.

 I was appalled that I have to defend choices that I have to make.  I wish more than anything in my life I didn't have to make these choices. The ONLY reason we haven't done IVF is the costs. THATS it. It happens to be our only chance of a biological child.  This is THE reason I kept my mouth shut for four years. I didn't tell family we were trying. I just let them assume we were waiting. Then, I started getting dumb comments, and I felt the need to be more open about it.  The above remarks made are just a few of the reasons Infertile women don't speak up more. We shouldn't have to defend our disease or put up with comments from people who have no idea what its like to walk in our shoes.  While its not deadly. It is still a disease.